Sonic Adventures

No. This isn't a post about a little blue hedgehog.

Well, I was feeling very masochistic yesterday, and my girlfriend wanted food.

Where's the biggest collection of functionally retarded people?

So, I'm at Sonic on a Friday night, after homecoming

In Mineral Wells.

I know, I know, you're thinking "Why?"

I'm still asking myself that question.

So, we pull up, and begin to order.

*button press*

...
...
...

"Hi, Welcome to Sonic. How may I help you?"

"Yeah, I'd like a Number two with a Coke, and no veggies but lettuce on that burger, and instead of fries, I want tater tots."

...

...

Oh, come on, this ain't rocket surgery.

...

...

Miss, I think I need a new attendant, mine apparently had a brain overload with that last order.

...

...

Anyone wanna dial 911? I think we have an attendant who can't handle the concept of tater tots. Also, I think he's mildly retarded.

Finally, the speakers crackle to life.

"That's a number two, with Tomatoes, Pickles..."

Ok, maybe he's moderately retarded.

"... And no cheese?"

Functionally retarded.

Come on, you took that long, then you got my order wrong?

"And what to drink with that meal?"

"I already told you"

...

...

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear."

...

Ok, he's fuck-tarded.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a HEADSET on, designed so that the order is the ONLY THING YOU HEAR? Maybe he couldn't hear me over the voices in his head.

It is Mineral Wells, wouldn't suprise me.

Luckily, I corrected him, our order came out all right.

Luckily. His mommy must have written it down for him in something other than red crayon.

God I hate fast food.

Parents, Wake up.

Ok, so your kid ate the plastic toy and choked to death.

Sure, I care, a little kid died.

It's not my kid, so I don't care as much. If you think that's wrong, pull your head out of your over-sympathetic, melodramatic ass.


Is it out yet?

Here's some deodorant.

Back to the topic, so your little kid died, choked on a plastic object. Who do we blame?

The company who produced the product?
The retail store who sold you this product without a warning label?

Here's the answer.

YOU. Look in the goddamned mirror, you're a bad parent, if you see your kid trying to inhale a plastic part, TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM OR HER!

You don't just sit idly by, and hope everything will be all right.

Then you complain and force the company to put a warning label on the toy to add fuel to the eternal fire of stupid that those dumbass liberals started in this world.

If you are too stupid to figure out that you should watch your kids when they play, actually, watch them in general, they're fucking kids, they touch things, they explore.

If the liberals had their way, we'd keep our kids in a plastic bubble until they're 18, then release a whole new set of fucktards on the world.

If your kid dies because you're too stupid to watch him/her, I think someone trying to tell you something.

Quit reproducing.

Seriously, you're too stupid.

You lose, end of story, do us all a favor retard, and stop having sex.

You have hands for a reason.

Seriously, it's better to misfire on some kleenex than to release a genetic misfire on this world in the form of a waterheaded offspring of yourself.

Now go jerk off, retard.

Why?

Ok. I really love the idea of cars, I really do.

But when someone attempts to take the power of their car beyond what is reasonable, that's another story.

Seriously.

If you decide to drive your car obscenely over the speed limit, your seat belt should detach itself, sling back into its holder, and give you a nice little slap on the forehead on its way up (for good measure).

If you crash, you fly through the windshield and possibly (hopefully) die.

That's the fucking price you pay and the risk you take.

If you decide to do something incredibly stupid and in the process endanger others, read my fucking lips.

You.

Should.

Die.


I was at a toll booth the other day, and I was behind some fucktards who obviously has too much testosterone to spare.

They have exact change, they go to the change made line.

Strike one.

They look at the nice lady who is running the thing, throw their change *fucking hard* in her direction.

Strike two.

Seriously, if that Quarter ricochets and hits her in the forehead, she could whip all your scrawny little sex-starved asses.

Then, for good measure, they peel out at the booth, probably hitting the lady with gravel bits and shards of rubber.

Strike Three.

The whole time, she just sits there and smiles.

Really lady, you have more self control than I.

See, what I would have done is reached into the car, took your keys, and beat you and your dumbass friends over the head with them until the screaming stops.

As we caught up to them, I was going over in my mind how I was going to tell these guys off. I mean, we were going 65 mph down the tollway, there's not alot you can say.

Maybe I was over-analyzing it. Beacuse at that moment my girlfriend who was with me at the time, figures out a simple, yet, potent transmission of thought from one angry person to another.

She gave em the ol' one finger salute.

She really can look at the big picture.

God I love that woman.

Over

I had an encounter with another stupid person today, considering I live in Texas, stupid is not something we need to import.

It wasn't really a stupid person, as much as a stupid concept.

I got a copy of the course schedule from my teacher today (I had lost my other one) and apparently he had printed his sheet on the front and back of the paper. No problem.

I read to the end of the first page, and notice he has put something at the bottom of the page so obscenely idiotic, I can barely muster the strength to type it without wanting to shove a cotton swab in my ear as far as it will go.

He gets done with the page, and at the bottom he puts.

----> Over

GAAAAAH! *Ear stabbing*

Ok dude, if I take the time to get into a college, don't you think a would have the small inkling of intelligence to figure out if something's incomplete on one page, it could be on the back?

Yeah I understand, some people might not know.

Those people are fucktards. They should die.

Seriously, it would help the gene pool.

I mean, would I be reading the damned paper to myself thinking

"September 13th - We will go over the Lecture on Chapter 1 and discuss it in..."


"WHAT? DISCUSS IT IN WHAT?!?!? OMG CRYCRYCRY I DONT NOEZ WHERE TEH CHAPTER IS TO BE DISCUZZED!?!"

Come on people, it's your fault this whole damned world is going all liberal hold-my-hand-fucktarded.

Seriously, if I see another "-----> Over" I will find you, and I will kill you.

Or mail you something nice, maybe send a porn subscription to your house and lace the return envelope with Anthrax.

Just fucking die.

Welcome!

Welcome to the blog, as you can discern from the title, this is blog that addresses the little idiots in life, the people that give you that little nudge closer to insanity.

In the coming posts, you will see these idiots in action, against me, sadly. Also, you will see my personal ways of dealing with them, and disposing of the bodies.

You didn't see that last part.