Election day is here!

Yay.

I know you're expecting an election update.

Be patient, it is a work in progress and is saved as a draft as we speak, however, it needs some minor tweaking and grammatical corrections.

Well, "minor tweaking" as in I haven't written it yet.

But, like MSNBC, and CNN, and everyone else but the neo-fascist-right-wing-pseudo-extremists of Fox News; I will wait until every vote is counted, every tard figures out the voting system, and every Republican (crybaby) is finished with his tantrum.

So, this is not an update, do not panic.

If you panic because a blog hasn't updated, please put the shotgun in your mouth.

kthxbye

Here's a link to keep you occupied until your Messiah updates with his opinion on the 3-ring-bullshit-circus of mid-term elections.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/lies

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
-- (Epicurus)


Oh, and the Messiah thing?


You mean I didn't show you that contract that says by navigating to this website your soul now belongs to Sat- me?

Yeah, shoulda read the fine print on that one, buddy.

Have fun in hell.

Personality

Blah, lack of update these past days, I blame laziness.

Anyway, just thought I'd give you a little insight into your beloved author.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||| 43% Stability |||||||||||| 43% Orderliness || 10% Accommodation |||||| 23% Interdependence || 10% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70% Artistic |||||||||||||| 56% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 63% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic |||||| 30% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Avoidant |||||||||||| 43% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Wealth |||||||||||| 43% Dependency |||||||||||||| 56% Change averse |||||||||||| 43% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56% Paranoia |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Vanity |||||||||||| 50% Hypersensitivity |||||| 30% Female cliche |||||||||| 36%

quick-tempered, more war than peace, likes to instigate anger in others, can be hurtful, arrogant, says mean things intentionally, makes enemies, prone to verbal rants, enjoys fighting, more likely to be aggressive than form alliances, more rough than tender, competitive, can be crude, likes to antagonize people, finds it easy to manipulate others, does not treat others as they would like to be treated, reckless, impulsive, destructive, insult artist, brutally honest, all or nothing personality, gets attention through negative behavior, believes it is necessary to be ruthless to be successfull, unpredictable, thinks most people are idiots, comes on too strong, more a leader than a follower



Oh come on... quick tempered? Can be hurtful? Insult artist? Thinks most people are idiots?


Where would you get that idea?

Who loves yah baby?

Hey, long time no see.

Yeah, I know, no update, your life was never the same without me, blah blah blah.

But I have some good news.

I'm feeding your sickness. Oh, yeah, I got what you want baby, right here.

Anyway, I'm sure you missed me.

Particularly Psychology class in Mineral Wells. Especially you.

You know you like it.


Anyway, back to our regular program...

So, I'm perusing my myspace account today, checking up on all 30something of my friends.

Yes, I said 30something. Yes, I know, I don't have 109675 friends or more, so I lose at myspace.

Damn.

Anyway, I'm searching the bulletins and all I can find are goddamn surveys.

Listen carefully.

Who...the...Hell...wants....to....do...a....survey???

You know those telemarketers that call you up? The ones you hang up on?

They want to give you a survey too! What's the goddamn difference?

Every once in awhile, a decent, unique survey comes along that I want to fill out.

Every.
Once.
In.
Awhile.

if you wanna do a survey every 10 minutes so people can know how you "feel", you're either

a) retarded

b) like fishing for compliments with your nonchalant low-self-esteem answers.

c) both

We know you have low self esteem.

Maybe it's cause you're ugly.

Moving on the next atrocious creation myspace has helped along throughout the recent years and whose creators deserve a slow death and a meat grinder to their genitalia while their retarded kids watch is...

Chain Letters.

Chain goddamn letters.

Someone stop them.

They don't make you popular, they don't make anyone feel better, they won't make your desperate, oily, acne-infested ass any luckier in your love life. Period. I know you hope, but with looks like yours, don't.

What I do hope for, though, is the fact that some witch that died on an Indian reservation burial ground which is under your house will come to your bedroom that night and rape your babies.

That's a fun idea, I like that.

Unfortunately, this is what "supposedly" happens to people who don't send the chain letter.

Great, people are being punished for stopping stupidity.

What the fuck are we teaching our kids these days?


The next cultural disaster that myspace has genetically mutated into something more retarded, is...

Those damned emo kids.

Look, you may think you look cool in your tight jeans, with that nasty, ugly, oily mass on top of your head, wearing eyeliner thicker than your white trash mustache, but, you don't.

You won't.

Ever.

Sure, your mom says you look cool.

Your mom's a cool lady, and she's very open to your artistic (retarded) needs.

She probably even let you drink that one time.

But guess what?

You ain't goddamned cool, people laugh at you behind your backs at the mall.

Yes, even your friends. They actually have to pretend to like you and talk to you so as not to hurt your oh-so-sensitive feelings.

I'm sure they're plotting your death.

All in all,

Survey-takers, we really don't care how low your self esteem is.
You're ugly, get used to it.

Chain Letter creators and senders, if you don't tell 50 people about this blog by Sunday night, your grandma's mutilated corpse will come swiftly in the night and rape you in your sleep. Have fun, and tell her I said "Hi."

Emo kids, Just kill yourself already. We're all waiting, I will be filming it and selling tapes.

And remember, you cut down the vein, not across.

Down the road, not across the street.

Until next time, always remember.

There are two kinds of people in this world, living people, and retarded people.

In other words

Don't be fucking stupid.

Don't die.

Simple, huh?

Sonic Adventures

No. This isn't a post about a little blue hedgehog.

Well, I was feeling very masochistic yesterday, and my girlfriend wanted food.

Where's the biggest collection of functionally retarded people?

So, I'm at Sonic on a Friday night, after homecoming

In Mineral Wells.

I know, I know, you're thinking "Why?"

I'm still asking myself that question.

So, we pull up, and begin to order.

*button press*

...
...
...

"Hi, Welcome to Sonic. How may I help you?"

"Yeah, I'd like a Number two with a Coke, and no veggies but lettuce on that burger, and instead of fries, I want tater tots."

...

...

Oh, come on, this ain't rocket surgery.

...

...

Miss, I think I need a new attendant, mine apparently had a brain overload with that last order.

...

...

Anyone wanna dial 911? I think we have an attendant who can't handle the concept of tater tots. Also, I think he's mildly retarded.

Finally, the speakers crackle to life.

"That's a number two, with Tomatoes, Pickles..."

Ok, maybe he's moderately retarded.

"... And no cheese?"

Functionally retarded.

Come on, you took that long, then you got my order wrong?

"And what to drink with that meal?"

"I already told you"

...

...

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear."

...

Ok, he's fuck-tarded.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a HEADSET on, designed so that the order is the ONLY THING YOU HEAR? Maybe he couldn't hear me over the voices in his head.

It is Mineral Wells, wouldn't suprise me.

Luckily, I corrected him, our order came out all right.

Luckily. His mommy must have written it down for him in something other than red crayon.

God I hate fast food.

Parents, Wake up.

Ok, so your kid ate the plastic toy and choked to death.

Sure, I care, a little kid died.

It's not my kid, so I don't care as much. If you think that's wrong, pull your head out of your over-sympathetic, melodramatic ass.


Is it out yet?

Here's some deodorant.

Back to the topic, so your little kid died, choked on a plastic object. Who do we blame?

The company who produced the product?
The retail store who sold you this product without a warning label?

Here's the answer.

YOU. Look in the goddamned mirror, you're a bad parent, if you see your kid trying to inhale a plastic part, TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM OR HER!

You don't just sit idly by, and hope everything will be all right.

Then you complain and force the company to put a warning label on the toy to add fuel to the eternal fire of stupid that those dumbass liberals started in this world.

If you are too stupid to figure out that you should watch your kids when they play, actually, watch them in general, they're fucking kids, they touch things, they explore.

If the liberals had their way, we'd keep our kids in a plastic bubble until they're 18, then release a whole new set of fucktards on the world.

If your kid dies because you're too stupid to watch him/her, I think someone trying to tell you something.

Quit reproducing.

Seriously, you're too stupid.

You lose, end of story, do us all a favor retard, and stop having sex.

You have hands for a reason.

Seriously, it's better to misfire on some kleenex than to release a genetic misfire on this world in the form of a waterheaded offspring of yourself.

Now go jerk off, retard.

Why?

Ok. I really love the idea of cars, I really do.

But when someone attempts to take the power of their car beyond what is reasonable, that's another story.

Seriously.

If you decide to drive your car obscenely over the speed limit, your seat belt should detach itself, sling back into its holder, and give you a nice little slap on the forehead on its way up (for good measure).

If you crash, you fly through the windshield and possibly (hopefully) die.

That's the fucking price you pay and the risk you take.

If you decide to do something incredibly stupid and in the process endanger others, read my fucking lips.

You.

Should.

Die.


I was at a toll booth the other day, and I was behind some fucktards who obviously has too much testosterone to spare.

They have exact change, they go to the change made line.

Strike one.

They look at the nice lady who is running the thing, throw their change *fucking hard* in her direction.

Strike two.

Seriously, if that Quarter ricochets and hits her in the forehead, she could whip all your scrawny little sex-starved asses.

Then, for good measure, they peel out at the booth, probably hitting the lady with gravel bits and shards of rubber.

Strike Three.

The whole time, she just sits there and smiles.

Really lady, you have more self control than I.

See, what I would have done is reached into the car, took your keys, and beat you and your dumbass friends over the head with them until the screaming stops.

As we caught up to them, I was going over in my mind how I was going to tell these guys off. I mean, we were going 65 mph down the tollway, there's not alot you can say.

Maybe I was over-analyzing it. Beacuse at that moment my girlfriend who was with me at the time, figures out a simple, yet, potent transmission of thought from one angry person to another.

She gave em the ol' one finger salute.

She really can look at the big picture.

God I love that woman.

Over

I had an encounter with another stupid person today, considering I live in Texas, stupid is not something we need to import.

It wasn't really a stupid person, as much as a stupid concept.

I got a copy of the course schedule from my teacher today (I had lost my other one) and apparently he had printed his sheet on the front and back of the paper. No problem.

I read to the end of the first page, and notice he has put something at the bottom of the page so obscenely idiotic, I can barely muster the strength to type it without wanting to shove a cotton swab in my ear as far as it will go.

He gets done with the page, and at the bottom he puts.

----> Over

GAAAAAH! *Ear stabbing*

Ok dude, if I take the time to get into a college, don't you think a would have the small inkling of intelligence to figure out if something's incomplete on one page, it could be on the back?

Yeah I understand, some people might not know.

Those people are fucktards. They should die.

Seriously, it would help the gene pool.

I mean, would I be reading the damned paper to myself thinking

"September 13th - We will go over the Lecture on Chapter 1 and discuss it in..."


"WHAT? DISCUSS IT IN WHAT?!?!? OMG CRYCRYCRY I DONT NOEZ WHERE TEH CHAPTER IS TO BE DISCUZZED!?!"

Come on people, it's your fault this whole damned world is going all liberal hold-my-hand-fucktarded.

Seriously, if I see another "-----> Over" I will find you, and I will kill you.

Or mail you something nice, maybe send a porn subscription to your house and lace the return envelope with Anthrax.

Just fucking die.

Welcome!

Welcome to the blog, as you can discern from the title, this is blog that addresses the little idiots in life, the people that give you that little nudge closer to insanity.

In the coming posts, you will see these idiots in action, against me, sadly. Also, you will see my personal ways of dealing with them, and disposing of the bodies.

You didn't see that last part.